Dénouement

It's been such a chaotic week with crazy highs and crazy lows - I'm sure you know what kind of week I'm talking about. Anyway, there have been some scary things going on with a good friend and I've been having a really hard time with some extra-curriculars at school that will be culminating in 2 big concerts within the next 4 days. And then exams in 3 days after that. And then my week-long medical trip to Nicaragua in 2 days after that (oh, I never told you guys about that? Oops.) It felt like I had to single-handedly shoulder a lot of the burdens. Especially earlier in the week, I was feeling quite lonely, overwhelmed, and helpless. Tonight when I left school at 10pm, I was still feeling weak and sorry for myself.

The thing is, life stops for no one. The light drizzle became heavy rain during my drive home. The holiday radio station that usually provides familiarity and comfort was overbearing in its cheer. Sometimes, people and things that you want to count on will disappoint you. And somehow, through all the confusion and hurt, there is a fittingly gentle yet undeniably clear sign that things have changed. For good. I have answers. No more wondering. No more feeling sorry. No more looking back with such longing. Life moves on and I need to too.

Anyway, I got home and was cleaning out some old emails, all mopey and sad (do any of you also feel the compulsive need to purge and expunge yourself of distracting clutter after a really terrible day? That feeling that you need to seriously clean up and re-examine your life?). But then I came across some old emails that I sent out and replies that I received while I was in Peru for a month in 2008. Emails to and from some of my closest friends. Reading them made me so delightfully happy! I've actually just agreed to blog for my school during my Nicaragua trip and so these emails were found in perfect timing too. There are so many happy, thoughtful, sentimental, and true moments in those emails. And some really special discoveries that really pulled me towards the road I now travel.

In dramatic art forms like drama and film, the good story lines will always follow what pedagogues call "the dramatic arc": exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution/dénouement. But real life doesn't always follow such a convenient pattern, does it? I guess that's the whole beauty of experience. It's just extra encouraging when life does that funny thing of giving you exactly what you need to help you to get by during those sad moments, you know? I hope you're coming across some of these similarly perfect findings amidst your own chaos (if you're having any) too.

(top photo of pensive me in Puno by the JJB, 2nd photo of a boat ride to the floating Uros islands, last photo of Cusco's central square)

Bike Riding

When we were young, my dad would take my sister and me out for a bike ride once a week to pick up the Sunday paper. The corner convenience store right outside the neighborhood was the perfect distance away. But we always took the long way. Up, down, and back up again we rode, along the hilly contours ubiquitous and so characteristic of rural Massachusetts. There was a secret shortcut through the back, one that required the utmost bravery to offroad down a steep dirt path riddled with bulky, twisted tree roots. In my memories, each one of these Sunday mornings, the weather was always perfect. The wind through my hair, despite my helmet head, made me feel weightless. It wasn't until much, much, later - long after we stopped these bike rides - that I realized how much I loved them....

A few weekends ago, the three of us went out on a short ride through our subdivision. No longer on our childhood bicycles, my sister and I felt a bit wobbly riding these vintage and just-a-little-too-large-that-they're-a-little-scary bicycles my dad got for a total of $15 (for two bicycles!) from a police auction more than a decade ago. The roads were flat and we rolled slowly along the sidewalks. Good speeds for us to get our "bicycle legs" back.

And the weather was just like I remember.

Something Blue

Feeling a little blue tonight after all of this weekend's excitement. Where I thought I'd be coasting on a high from all the fun and laughs I had, I'm mostly just nostalgic for when 515 and high school friends were all together. In true Dramatic Dorothy form, I was even moved to tears during a moment of ennui this afternoon... It really hit me then how rare and difficult it is for us to all get together now, and how it will only get more difficult. But of course, I know that these fleeting moments of longing are but a small price to pay for such funny, moving, beautiful, and true friendships. After all, we are but only a few key strokes away...


(photo of dusk from my neighborhood)

Sunday Seven

The "perfect weekend" version of a Sunday Seven:

Hilarity Vol. III

This would be subtitled as "the WTF Edition" mostly featuring Debbie. Your news turned me around! Congratulations on your engagement! You've come a long way. And I lurve you. Again, click on the photos to enlarge.

Classy J

Scribbled on the back of a draft of my college entrance essay - bad student award to me!

(Previous volumes: 1 and 2.)

2011 Season Opener: A Time Course Study

So I survived (and passed!) my first unit of exams. I took a much needed half-week plus long-weekend to decompress. It was filled with meeting up with many old friends (like H, JJB, and a big part of 1313/1315 S. State), an unexpectedly raucous post-exam party, girls' night out, Polomba/Grenier tailgating, and Michigan Football. As you may have heard, the game was rather interesting and here are my captures of its progressions:

Sunny and HOT tailgating and game opening

Things getting weird and dark

Then, evacuation #1 (which the majority of us ignored) - see the new jumbo screen?

And then evacuation #2 (which we were not allowed to ignore)

 

In rain and shine, a good time was had by all. I hope everyone had an equally exciting Labor Day Weekend. Happy last weekend of summer!

Baby's First Day

Today was my first day of orientation. It wasn't so bad thanks to my propensity to overreact and blow tiny things way out of proportion until they weigh so heavily in my mind like gargantuan, over-indulged baby animals at a petting zoo with no inclination of mercy from morphing into every permutation of a worst-case-scenario. I didn't meet too many people but I plan to. As I've heard from upperclassmen, almost as important as orientation itself (possibly even more so) are the nightly "orientation parties" scattered throughout Metro-Detroit allowing me to schmooze, network, and mingle with my classmates. Partying every night for a straight week. This has me more stressed than the entirety of orientation.

These suddenly inherited responsibilities are a far cry from my laughably sloth-like day-to-day existence of just a few days ago. I found myself oscillating between utter giddiness at my awesome life and then ennui and listlessness during the hottest parts of the day.... But now the distant mirage of my previous life which consisted of waking up at the socially responsible hour of 9am, eating as I pleased, watching cooking shows on TV, and cleaning, taunts me as I stand to take on even more in just one more week - once school actually starts. I am sure that in my lectures and studying, I'll be daydreaming of coffee with Debbie and Smurf, errands with my Dad, and riding in the family boat, my greatest worry only being if I put on enough sunscreen.

Hilarity Vol. II

It's funny how Jenny and I became (Jenny: heavily, me: haphazardly) involved in science research. Obviously I now assume it's because we were together when we first got started. This is what Alice's card from yesterday is referring to: lots of corruption going on in 5th hour GBE. Also, I cannot take any credit for this artwork; it was all Jenny.

How come NEJM and Nature haven't embraced this?

Hilarity Vol. I

So I'm cleaning out my room in preparation for the onslaught of studying that will hopefully take place soon. Since I've started, I've discovered that being both extremely sentimental and a mild hoarder is not a good mix. I'm mostly unearthing junk that should have been thrown out years ago. However, some things I've come across are just... gold. Please click on all the photos to enlarge the hilarity.

best part: "Offer not valid when upset or mad at you" from Debbie

Jessie, when can I collect this IOU?

This one is a mess. But how little has changed in 10 years!

My favorite so far:

envelope: go gain some weight

card: the loss of the little intelligence you possess.

High-larious.

Today

Today is my last day of work and as with all things that come to an end, I'm feeling sentimental. In looking back, I'm thinking of everything with hazy affection, warmth, and tenderness. In life, I hope I'll always remember only good things and let everything else go like a whispery breath of air.


(Photo via weheartit)

Back to the Grind

Not long ago, these were my surroundings.

I'm sunkissed and golden (thank you, SPF100), but now I'm back to this:

Le sigh. But at least it will soon be time for the magnolia trees to blossom - one of my favorite moments of the year.

Namesake

 

This amazingness is not only what I pictured when I chose the title of this little space of mine, but it also has a packed and maized-out Big House! I still love the blue block M in the student section. Such spirit!

Thanks, Breanne!

Bon Voyage

All possible essays are written for now and I'm packed up, ready to go. Yesterday night I drove to Chicago and this morning, I'm leaving for Costa Rica with the 515 Housies for a week. Then after less than 12 hours at home, I immediately fly out for my tour of Asia with JJB. We've dubbed it "Asian Invasion 2010" or AI2010 for short. I've been perusing photos I've taken of past trips and I am seriously so excited. I actually look through these when I'm feeling sad and they never fail to cheer me up.

Cusco, Peru

Berlin, Germany

Smoky Mountains, North Carolina

Blogging will be sparse and intermittent. But I will have lots and lots when I return on the 19th of August!

PS. My sister is leaving for Ghana (yes, that Ghana) the day before I get home from Costa Rica. We're sad that we'll just miss each other, but she will be doing some amazing things there. I assume my parents are simultaneously sick with worry and rejoicing their freedom. Wish us luck!

B

Orchestra Hall, Detroit, MI

Tonight I had the opportunity to see one of my first and oldest students perform in his high school's Graduation Concerto Concert.  I "inherited" B or rather B "inherited" me from Elmer when I was in my junior year of high school. Yikes. That was seven years ago. At that time, B was rude, didn't practice, and gave me attitude at every lesson. A few scoldings and eye rolls later, B has become the concertmaster of his orchestra, a member of Civic for 3 years, and has grown to appreciate his talent for the violin. He performed a rousing rendition of the 1st Movement of the Bruch Violin Concerto accompanied by his high school orchestra and in the fall he'll be off to Michigan. My most satisfying moment tonight came when he told me that he plans to continue playing there. It was this that justified and made everything we did these past 7 years worth it. Of all of B's successes, for him to understand that though we may never achieve the highest level of musicianship and that classical music may never be mainstream, he can always come back to this little thing called a violin to search out a little (or a lot of) personal enjoyment. This has made me the most proud.  All during his performance and after, B's parents couldn't stop thanking me for everything I did....

Everything I did? I did nothing. And nothing is feeling pretty great...

(Photo from flickr)

PS. If you have the capability to hear sound and have a soul, please, dear god, listen from the 4:20 mark to 5:22 of the 2nd movement (or just the whole thing). This is one of my all-time favorite moments in the solo violin repertoire... and it might just be one of the most beautiful melodies in the entirety of music. That glissando at 5:08 could make you weep.

A Hero's Homecoming

April 13th marked the home opener for the New York Yankees and the ring presentation for their 27th World Championship was to be held before the game. Bernie Williams threw the first pitch. The glitz of a pair of fighter jets punctuated the glamour of Kristin Chenoweth's operatic rendition of the national anthem. Then the legends of Yankee folklore Billy Martin and Yogi Berra came out to present the rings with manager Joe Girardi, he himself a Yankee championship athlete. As they handed out the rings in descending order by number, everyone was wondering how they would honor the World Series MVP, now a member of that day's opposing club.  

The Yankees, as always, did not disappoint.  They had saved the best for last. A normally stoic Hideki Matsui was showing signs of deep emotion as the crowd of his home for the past 7 years roared, greeting him with an overwhelming ovation.  As soon as he received the ring, all of the Yankee players rushed to him and individually gave him the welcome home that he so deserved. Not going to lie, this was probably one of the most moving sports moments in baseball I've witnessed in my humble lifetime. You can watch the whole video and almost cry too.

I've always been a very nostalgic and sentimental girl. Maybe it's because many of my friends and family are so far away or maybe it's just the way I've always been. When I was 15 and a sophomore in high school, I remember feeling the slight but acute pangs of anticipatory heartache at the thought that it would only be 2 years left at my familiar high school with the people who would come closest to resembling my "childhood friends".  I probably still would have felt that way even if my current self could tell the girl I was that she'd meet many new friends who might not be "childhood friends" but still could become "lifelong friends" and that despite 6 (!!) years and counting, she'd still marvel every once in a while that her relationships with these people would change very little at all.

Happy Earth Day!

"If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the immensity of the sea." 
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Confession: I was president of my high school Environmental Activists club. As you can probably tell, this title obviously made me hugely popular. Oh, and the fiddling helped too. Today I like to claim that I was a clairvoyant and that this now hip-and-happening culture of "going green" and protecting the environment came about because nerds like me were so stylin' as we recycled our high school's 2000-plus student body's paper and plastic waste every Tuesday afternoon. What a trendsetter I was.

So turn off all of the lights tonight. Buy secondhand and vintage from eBay or thrift shops. Save your recyclables from the trash can. And from a former/lifetime Environmental Activist, have a happy earth day.

(Photo from flickr, flickr via Audrey Hepburn Complex)

P.S. I promise to be better about this whole blogging thing. I've been plagued by writer's block but helping me overcome that was definitely a motivating factor in starting this whole production. So I won't use an obscure holiday as a reason to post anymore. Apologies. I've missed you, friends.

Memories of the Southwest

I remember the summer I lived with my cousins in Phoenix as one of the most life-affirming summers of my life. My cousins were physicians in a hospital-affiliated out-patient clinic, and Tiffany and I spent the most sweltering months of 2006 shadowing them and their colleagues in the range of specialties and services offered... and also playing with our seriously cuter-than-life baby nieces XinXin, AnAn, and Jingjing.

My cousin was pregnant at the time and I inherited the daily driving responsibilities to and from work. The surroundings were totally different than the developed suburbs I was used to and I remember being struck by the dry and cracked red clay that made up some of the roads, the fighter jets that seemed to race with me as they would glide through vibrant blue hundreds of feet above, and the piercing sun that would already be high in the cloudless sky during our 7:15am commute. But it was one of the rare mornings I didn't drive that I first noticed the dusty local roads we used actually bisected seemingly endless fields of corn plowed by farmers and their donkeys. I loved fixing my eyes and letting our speeding car turn the crop into a sunbathed golden-green blur.

However, as the summer progressed, I slowly lost pleasure in that cloud of color. Maybe it was because at the clinic, I was no longer blindly following along. Without realizing it, I had gained insight into the world of patient care and I could understand some of the common diagnoses, numbers, and acronyms thrown about in passing conversations between the staff. Tiffany and I could discuss topics we learned with each other, and then with our cousins over dinner at night. And every time I passed those same fields during our commutes, my eyes would dart quickly from point to point making me slightly carsick with the frequent lateral cycling of my eyes. This made me never desire to skip my driving duties anymore. Anyway, I had seen all the familiar sights and grown used to the familiar roads we used nearly every day. And mostly I had become much more eager to get to the clinic to see the less familiar sights and travel the less familiar "roads" of medicine and healthcare.

But there was one last time that I didn't drive. And that particular morning I really looked at those fields again. Like before, the speed of the car caused the fields to blur, but this time I found that if I happened to fix my eye at just the right point, as we passed it, I could see straight into the horizon through the space in between each straight row of corn. Though we'd quickly drive by and the rows would blur again, for that split-second before, my view was so gloriously clear and my path was so completely straight and unhindered that I felt I was invincible.


(photos from Flickr)