Dénouement

It's been such a chaotic week with crazy highs and crazy lows - I'm sure you know what kind of week I'm talking about. Anyway, there have been some scary things going on with a good friend and I've been having a really hard time with some extra-curriculars at school that will be culminating in 2 big concerts within the next 4 days. And then exams in 3 days after that. And then my week-long medical trip to Nicaragua in 2 days after that (oh, I never told you guys about that? Oops.) It felt like I had to single-handedly shoulder a lot of the burdens. Especially earlier in the week, I was feeling quite lonely, overwhelmed, and helpless. Tonight when I left school at 10pm, I was still feeling weak and sorry for myself.

The thing is, life stops for no one. The light drizzle became heavy rain during my drive home. The holiday radio station that usually provides familiarity and comfort was overbearing in its cheer. Sometimes, people and things that you want to count on will disappoint you. And somehow, through all the confusion and hurt, there is a fittingly gentle yet undeniably clear sign that things have changed. For good. I have answers. No more wondering. No more feeling sorry. No more looking back with such longing. Life moves on and I need to too.

Anyway, I got home and was cleaning out some old emails, all mopey and sad (do any of you also feel the compulsive need to purge and expunge yourself of distracting clutter after a really terrible day? That feeling that you need to seriously clean up and re-examine your life?). But then I came across some old emails that I sent out and replies that I received while I was in Peru for a month in 2008. Emails to and from some of my closest friends. Reading them made me so delightfully happy! I've actually just agreed to blog for my school during my Nicaragua trip and so these emails were found in perfect timing too. There are so many happy, thoughtful, sentimental, and true moments in those emails. And some really special discoveries that really pulled me towards the road I now travel.

In dramatic art forms like drama and film, the good story lines will always follow what pedagogues call "the dramatic arc": exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution/dénouement. But real life doesn't always follow such a convenient pattern, does it? I guess that's the whole beauty of experience. It's just extra encouraging when life does that funny thing of giving you exactly what you need to help you to get by during those sad moments, you know? I hope you're coming across some of these similarly perfect findings amidst your own chaos (if you're having any) too.

(top photo of pensive me in Puno by the JJB, 2nd photo of a boat ride to the floating Uros islands, last photo of Cusco's central square)

Quotability

"Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit."

Bern Williams

 

 

(Photo of the Lake Michigan Sunset at J and P's wedding)

 

Glee's Give Your Heart a Break

I'm currently experiencing an unprecedented exam-free 2 weeks since I started my 2nd year. So naturally I caught up on some TV... I was unexpectedly moved by Glee's "The Break-Up" episode with the varied and unexpected songs selection (yeah, 90's No Doubt!). In true form, it was dramatic and over-the-top, but the catchy pop songs and that emotional break-up scene at the end were pleasant surprises. And sometimes, I think a girl just needs a nice cry. An emotional purge, if you will.

Anyway, here was my favorite song of the episode (only because no one will ever come close to the perfection that is the original Coldpay version of "The Scientist"). I've been listening to this more often then I'd like to admit...

Everyday Food

The old news is that life has been pretty busy lately (blah blah blah). Not much time for anything recreational, but in between classes, studying, and video-lecturing streaming, I reward myself with a foodie fix. I signed up for these Everyday Food cooking segments a while ago and almost every day, a new recipe is emailed to me. The host Sarah Carey is quirky (in a curly-haired woman kind of way) and happy. The videos are only 5 or so minutes, so definitely a break I can afford to take.

Here are 2 recipes I really want to try... when I have a little more time again.

Meatless Curry


Bacon French Onion Soup


Here is where you can sign up to get these emails too: http://www.marthastewart.com/edf

Sisters and Cookies

Just because I asked her to, my sister made these Nutella-stuffed Brown Butter Sea Salt Chocolate Chip Cookies for me this weekend. I've previously alluded to how awesome my sister has been with me during these tough past few weeks. This is just further proof of how having a sister (who makes an amazing chocolate chip cookie) is probably the best thing ever.

But seriously, about the cookies, RUN DO NOT WALK to make them. Upon tasting one, my mom "pre-ordered" them for the upcoming Autumn Festival in lieu of store-bought mooncakes. They are that good.

Ingrid Michaelson's Sort Of

I can't really pinpoint why, but it feels like this song is speaking for me all the words I cannot say.



It was also featured on this commercial that makes me tear up every time (no surprises here). You can get the song for free here: http://goo.gl/RnsKt

On Being Better

 

My second year has hit me so much harder than I thought it would. There never seems to be enough time for anything other than school-related tasks, everything is in constant motion without any feeling of control, and I am perpetually lost as to what day it is because our biweekly Monday exams have untethered me from the chronological anchor of the weekend. Even though I was warned, I'm coming to realize that this year will be just another time when you never really know until you know.

I'm still figuring this year out and how I fit into it. I'm in the same classrooms, using the same computers, saying hi to the same people, but it seems like a different lifetime when I think about my first year (barely 3 months ago). Despite so much that hasn't changed, it feels like so much more has.

I'm hopeful for a time when I don't feel like life is constantly startling me. I'm hopeful for the friend whose life has forever changed in the hardest of ways this week. I'm hopeful that I may one day be as kind and selfless as my sister has been in her thoughtful care of me during my worst moments. I'm hopeful for when the pregnant pauses of things left unsaid won't echo as loudly as what actually is said. I'm hopeful that I'll find my groove again, or even better, carve a new one. I'm hopeful that things will get better, that I will get better. That I will be better.



(photo)