Post-Boards Recap

So the Step 1 exam obviously came and went. The scores came out and I passed. And that's all we'll ever speak of the dreaded test again. My post-test trip to NYC with my dad and sister was lovely. Though I didn't even come close to completing my list, I saw many good friends and had really relaxing days with family for about a week. Then the day I got home, I went up north to a friend's cabin to spend the last days before my orientations started. It was the perfect 10-day summer vacation. Here are some pictures!

Mid-Tuesday in Bryant Park. Does anyone work here?

Debbie and her dogs Toby and Lucy. So cute!

The sweetest details at Debbie and Chris' Harlem apartment

My cousin's apartment building rooftop terrace

Tiffany, Big Brother Connor and my aunt

Tiffany holding cute and wriggling things: Lucy on the left, Baby Landon on the right

Sunset view of New Jersey from the Battery Park Boardwalk a block away from my cousin's building

Korean seafood hotpot. The lobster was moving!

After...

Big Bear Lake

Big Bear Lake at sunset

Daddy harvesting some peas

Hard at work

Splendor in the Grass

Since all this, I've spent the month of July on my first clinical rotation in Neurology at the Detroit VA. It deserves another post, but for now, suffice to say, I loved it. Mostly because of the doctors, residents, and patients I've worked with. But more on that next time.

C'est La Vie

So I found out this morning that I'm doing clinical rotations at Oakwood Hospital next year. Though it isn't what I wanted, there are definitely some good things about training at this site. This is me trying to be nonchalantly unaffected and positive... And it's a lot like how I'm dealing with the impending snow storm by looking at this photo from a warm and clear yesterday.

Dénouement

It's been such a chaotic week with crazy highs and crazy lows - I'm sure you know what kind of week I'm talking about. Anyway, there have been some scary things going on with a good friend and I've been having a really hard time with some extra-curriculars at school that will be culminating in 2 big concerts within the next 4 days. And then exams in 3 days after that. And then my week-long medical trip to Nicaragua in 2 days after that (oh, I never told you guys about that? Oops.) It felt like I had to single-handedly shoulder a lot of the burdens. Especially earlier in the week, I was feeling quite lonely, overwhelmed, and helpless. Tonight when I left school at 10pm, I was still feeling weak and sorry for myself.

The thing is, life stops for no one. The light drizzle became heavy rain during my drive home. The holiday radio station that usually provides familiarity and comfort was overbearing in its cheer. Sometimes, people and things that you want to count on will disappoint you. And somehow, through all the confusion and hurt, there is a fittingly gentle yet undeniably clear sign that things have changed. For good. I have answers. No more wondering. No more feeling sorry. No more looking back with such longing. Life moves on and I need to too.

Anyway, I got home and was cleaning out some old emails, all mopey and sad (do any of you also feel the compulsive need to purge and expunge yourself of distracting clutter after a really terrible day? That feeling that you need to seriously clean up and re-examine your life?). But then I came across some old emails that I sent out and replies that I received while I was in Peru for a month in 2008. Emails to and from some of my closest friends. Reading them made me so delightfully happy! I've actually just agreed to blog for my school during my Nicaragua trip and so these emails were found in perfect timing too. There are so many happy, thoughtful, sentimental, and true moments in those emails. And some really special discoveries that really pulled me towards the road I now travel.

In dramatic art forms like drama and film, the good story lines will always follow what pedagogues call "the dramatic arc": exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution/dénouement. But real life doesn't always follow such a convenient pattern, does it? I guess that's the whole beauty of experience. It's just extra encouraging when life does that funny thing of giving you exactly what you need to help you to get by during those sad moments, you know? I hope you're coming across some of these similarly perfect findings amidst your own chaos (if you're having any) too.

(top photo of pensive me in Puno by the JJB, 2nd photo of a boat ride to the floating Uros islands, last photo of Cusco's central square)

Quotability

"Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit."

Bern Williams

 

 

(Photo of the Lake Michigan Sunset at J and P's wedding)

 

On Being Better

 

My second year has hit me so much harder than I thought it would. There never seems to be enough time for anything other than school-related tasks, everything is in constant motion without any feeling of control, and I am perpetually lost as to what day it is because our biweekly Monday exams have untethered me from the chronological anchor of the weekend. Even though I was warned, I'm coming to realize that this year will be just another time when you never really know until you know.

I'm still figuring this year out and how I fit into it. I'm in the same classrooms, using the same computers, saying hi to the same people, but it seems like a different lifetime when I think about my first year (barely 3 months ago). Despite so much that hasn't changed, it feels like so much more has.

I'm hopeful for a time when I don't feel like life is constantly startling me. I'm hopeful for the friend whose life has forever changed in the hardest of ways this week. I'm hopeful that I may one day be as kind and selfless as my sister has been in her thoughtful care of me during my worst moments. I'm hopeful for when the pregnant pauses of things left unsaid won't echo as loudly as what actually is said. I'm hopeful that I'll find my groove again, or even better, carve a new one. I'm hopeful that things will get better, that I will get better. That I will be better.



(photo)

An Ending

My last day of work (again). Feeling a little differently this time compared to last year as I realize that I won't be back for a while - at least not in the foreseeable future. I recall the gentle sadness and affection I was feeling when I left the lab last year. I was thinking my life would never again be the same. This time around, while I am a little apprehensive when I think about the dreaded second year, I'm also hopeful for all that it holds: pathologies, diseases, the bread and butter of medicine. While I'm not quite ready for it per say, I am determined and prepared to be unwavering in its onslaught.

Regardless, some things have stayed the exact same. Forever grateful for my time working with some amazing researchers, doing significant work on a few projects. Despite the (not so subtle) longing for complete relaxation during my last summer vacation ever, I can safely say that I made the right decision coming back. Definitely quite satisfying.


(photo via kittenskittenskittens)

Sunday Seven

So once again, I dropped the ball on my Sunday Seven. I've just completely ignored it (and the blog, generally) for a few weeks now. In my defense, I've successfully completed my first year of med school (ahhhh!) and started my summer research job back up with only 1 weekend as my break. But here I am again!

Sunday Seven

I attended a seminar recently where we watched an episode of This Emotional Life exploring the concept of happiness. I eat this stuff up. In college, I was an English Literature and Biopsychology double major and I've always been drawn to the intersection of science and the human experience. Not only has the link between proof-seeking science and intangible emotional experience always been fascinating to me, in many ways I've often felt reassured because my own questions about such ideas, even ones as basic and fundamental as happiness, are shared by many. Things aren't always as simple as they appear... How many secrets of life I have yet to discover.

In this particular episode, they describe a technique used in Positive Psychology in which an individual focuses on positive aspects from their normal day. They are then asked to describe these moments and why these experiences inspired positive feelings or thoughts. From there, one (or his or her positive psychologist) is able to see patterns in his or her own experience of happiness.

Jenny and I always wanted to keep a record (public or private) of 3 things we were grateful for that happened to us in a day. It's always easy (and quite satisfying) to wallow in self-pity or seek pity in others for all the hardships that we experience, but I'd argue that it's just as easy to find the good too. Because of this, I want to challenge myself to find the good in each day, be it an overall good or bad one. I'd ideally like to do it daily, but let's be honest, I don't even shower that often (TMI?). So I think I plan on recording 7 positive things every Sunday that hopefully will cover the past week. The Sunday Seven. Here we go:

1. Seeing all of the pictures from Debbie's wedding (a real post about this soon!) popping up all over Facebook because they let me relive such a happy day.
2. Dessert with Jenny on Tuesday, having fun with Albert yesterday, phone calls with JJB Friday, Debbie today. Getting to talk about anything and everything makes me refreshed and grateful for these friendships.
3. The cherry tree blooming outside my room window, pictured above, because though it flowers only fleetingly, the pink flowers and even the withering, fallen petals are just beautiful.
4. Picture texts from my sister from Shanghai! iMessage is so awesome and I'm so glad she's getting to enjoy her vacation with our dad.
   
   
5. A chance to really learn through something unpleasant. The power of communication and having a little hope can do wonders.
6. The first of countless salads for this summer: http://instagr.am/p/JvfKuyoLxs/. Tomatoes, cucumbers, garbanzo beans, purple cabbage with the dressing from my favorite salad. So simple, so delicious.
7. A day off today because I can play catch-up while semi-relaxed. I intentionally skipped orchestra rehearsal for this...

Whew, there are a lot in here! I hope you have an inspired week!

Social Promiscuity

So I think the reason why I've been more and more infrequent in my posting, besides the obvious school responsibilities, is perhaps my increasing participation in the modes of social networking. I've joined the likes of Instagram (because of my iPhone) and Twitter (because of my classmates), both of which I am warming up to more and more. There's less of a commitment to quality idea-expansion and coherent, cohesive expressions of thoughts and sadly is thus easier to use during fly-by moments during the day.

However, if any recall, it was this very responsibility of developing and following through with ideas and thoughts that drew me back to blogging in the first place. Especially now in the constant barrage of transient fancies and attention deficits, I hope to continue this meager exercize of writing in complete sentences when I can.

Anyway, here is my long-winded and bashful invitation to find me on Instagram (parachutesandpatience) and Twitter (cschen08) where you will find surely the "quantity over quality"-type posts, but hopefully with more pictures and possibly slightly more witty one-liners than you'll find here...

Bad Valentine

I'm a day late, but here is my favorite lyric from one of my favorite songs. It's particularly relevant since I took my last biochemistry exam yesterday. Yes, Happy Valentine's Day indeed.

"The Mystery I'm Thankful For"

"I was simply pointing to that fundamental weirdness, that "stranger-in-a-strange land" quality of being human. I was pointing to that mystery because I think its best part of the whole trip.... We just find ourselves here. With our individual birth we just "wake-up" and discover ourselves in the midst of an extraordinary world of beauty and sorrow....I will feel the mystery and be thankful to it, to them and to the world entire."
Adam Frank

The perfect find for today. Happy Thanksgiving.


(photo of Iceland via Krisatomic)

Indian Summer

I always love the last of summer. To me, it's always the most magical time: sunny and warming days, leaves just beginning their fall tinge, crisp mornings melting into lingering twilights. I think the promise of summer is not yet gone and I'm still invigorated (and not jaded) by the unexplored horizons of a new school year and all the possibilities that it carries.

I was also lucky enough to see a bunch of old friends last weekend: Smurf and R pictured above at Eastern Market. Yes, I'm in shorts! And the next day, I went apple picking by Ann Arbor with A and a friend doing a Rad-Onc rotation who I haven't seen since high school. I might have to conjecture that October in Michigan is unbeatable...

Catching Up

So after a rather brutal month, I've survived the head and neck unit of Anatomy and a great deal of Embryology. I acquired (and am still recovering) a bout of self-diagnosed bronchitis and about 2 weeks straight of 5-hour nights of sleep. It is true that handling stress has never been a strong suit of mine and I'm certainly working on this. I must acknowledge and admit that a great deal of my motivation to work and study comes from sheer fear, thus making much of my stress self-induced. It keeps me honest. However, there must be a more healthy and balanced way of keeping oneself on task.

Anyway here are a few peeks into the latter half of my September.

Vitamin C for bronchitis, cramming in a jam jar of oatmeal and the boundaries of the middle ear cavity before my exam, and Korean Ohyes chococakes. Contrary to photographic evidence, my month was sadly not all food-centric. Please note the upgrade in the intensity of nerdiness compared to the last unit.

And alas, no rest for the weary. Here I go before my 8am class for Unit 3!

Just one of those weeks...

An emotional rollercoaster ever since the epic game this weekend. Despite its outcome, feeling overwhelmed, exhusted, and a little self-indulgent. Getting over the hump that is hump day. Be back to normal soon.

(photo)

10 Years Ago

As we continue to move forward from the devastation that changed each and every one of our lives, I can feel only be gratitude to those who have been fighting for us, attempting to make a difference, and to those who gave their lives in doing so. I've lived a very full decade since. In a hundred years from now, I don't think I'll ever feel any differently. Always remembering.

2011 Season Opener: A Time Course Study

So I survived (and passed!) my first unit of exams. I took a much needed half-week plus long-weekend to decompress. It was filled with meeting up with many old friends (like H, JJB, and a big part of 1313/1315 S. State), an unexpectedly raucous post-exam party, girls' night out, Polomba/Grenier tailgating, and Michigan Football. As you may have heard, the game was rather interesting and here are my captures of its progressions:

Sunny and HOT tailgating and game opening

Things getting weird and dark

Then, evacuation #1 (which the majority of us ignored) - see the new jumbo screen?

And then evacuation #2 (which we were not allowed to ignore)

 

In rain and shine, a good time was had by all. I hope everyone had an equally exciting Labor Day Weekend. Happy last weekend of summer!

Photographic Images with Contrast

Mostly I'm staring at views like this all day. Colored writing utensils askew, Anatomy Atlas within an easy reach, and my notes perpetually open with more information that I have yet to learn. Sadly, the Amaretti Almond Crunch Haagen Daaz is not a frequent (nor long-lasting) participant in my study sessions, but seriously should be.

But on a good day, I get to look at this on my drive to school and back home. And I've been lucky to enjoy many good days lately.

(Photo taken with Instagram on my iPhone)

Stage Fright

I really have nothing to say during the closing hours on the eve of my first day of classes. I'm calm but tired, nervous but hopeful, ready but so not ready. I remember reading Connie's poignant thoughts as she was about to embark on her own journey to law school and I recall being so moved at her fear, longing, and hope. These are emotions that I too now know.

It is so crazy to think that these were her feelings from only about 11 months ago. In less than a year, my little bear has changed so much and, to put it lightly, she has kicked absolute ass (top of her class, Law Review, etc., etc.). If I am but a fraction of the woman she is, I will be living a dream.

"Tomorrow is the beginning of an odyssey that will change my life, and I am feeling very small indeed."

Conmonster

Baby's First Day

Today was my first day of orientation. It wasn't so bad thanks to my propensity to overreact and blow tiny things way out of proportion until they weigh so heavily in my mind like gargantuan, over-indulged baby animals at a petting zoo with no inclination of mercy from morphing into every permutation of a worst-case-scenario. I didn't meet too many people but I plan to. As I've heard from upperclassmen, almost as important as orientation itself (possibly even more so) are the nightly "orientation parties" scattered throughout Metro-Detroit allowing me to schmooze, network, and mingle with my classmates. Partying every night for a straight week. This has me more stressed than the entirety of orientation.

These suddenly inherited responsibilities are a far cry from my laughably sloth-like day-to-day existence of just a few days ago. I found myself oscillating between utter giddiness at my awesome life and then ennui and listlessness during the hottest parts of the day.... But now the distant mirage of my previous life which consisted of waking up at the socially responsible hour of 9am, eating as I pleased, watching cooking shows on TV, and cleaning, taunts me as I stand to take on even more in just one more week - once school actually starts. I am sure that in my lectures and studying, I'll be daydreaming of coffee with Debbie and Smurf, errands with my Dad, and riding in the family boat, my greatest worry only being if I put on enough sunscreen.

Today

Today is my last day of work and as with all things that come to an end, I'm feeling sentimental. In looking back, I'm thinking of everything with hazy affection, warmth, and tenderness. In life, I hope I'll always remember only good things and let everything else go like a whispery breath of air.


(Photo via weheartit)